CELEBelixer, Feb 27th

DAVID SPADE

drink: vodka gimlet

jukebox dedication: "living in sin," by bon jovi

Each week, we play the role of barmaid in our imaginary dive bar (likely one with Ugly Kid Joe on the jukebox) and give an imaginary cocktail to a celebrity who really really earned a stiff drink this week.

Today, I dedicate this post to David Spade, who made a suggestive comment about my sexy sexy tights at Ketchup. My friend and I happened to be dining right next to him, and when the midget-king walked up and sat down next to us, we could barely contain our laughter. Normally, I would feel sympathetic for a 30-something (possibly 40-something, we should wikipedia him).....

SIDENOTE: I just wikipedia'ed David Spade, and let me tell you, it is worth perusing. My two fave anecdotes are perhaps "he has a tattoo of Calvin, of Calvin & Hobbes," and "Spade is very sensitive to light." wtf????? wtf. TALK ABOUT THE DEFINITION OF SHEER!

AAAANYWAY. this week, we dedicate a vodka gimlet to you, David Spade. The word "gimlet" just sounds tiny and awkward, and maybe even slightly bitter, which is what you seem to be. You are weird and fugly and have lost your schtick, as it was once hilar to me as a 10 year old watching Tommy Boy, it is no longer funny as a 24 year old eating dinner. I don't even feel bad for you, you totes get to bang Heather Locklear and multiple Playboy playmates.... didn't you recently impregnate one? 

CHUG YOUR GIMLET, BABYMAN. Write some new jokes, bang some new chicks, this SHEER cocktail is on us!!

NitaNita & BirthdayBirthday

I HAD A SPLENDID 24th BDAY THIS WEEKEND AT NITANITA. it required all caps.

Saturday night was amazing.... I really want to thank everyone for coming out and showing love, it was so so so good to see everyone. Samantha (owner of NitaNita) you are a GODESS. 

it was the most fantastique bday party I've ever had.

I'm a lucky little duckling to have friends like you.

x to the o!

SHEERest girl on earth

Valentines at White Castle. for serious!

I spent the best V-day of my life yesterday, at the White Castle off Graham Avenue. The service was shoddy (hey whatevah, those people aren't trained for this sort of thing!), and the food was questionable at best. But - will my gay hubby and I ever forget this night??? NO! Seriously, whoever ends up marrying and/or impregnating me has ALOT to live up to!!!!!

white MTA map! hahha whites are FUNNY aren't they

Streeter Seidell (yo brahhh is that yer real name, cause thats a funny boho one if ever I've heard!!! kthnx.) has created a genius jpeg of a "white" subway system. And because I'm white, and I have white friends, and we all agree that our race is worth mocking at all times, I feel the need to post this and promote it on SHEER!

cause that's how we roll.

but we never roll past prospect park, cause for fuck's sake its like a delinquent warzone out there.