Baja Here We Come

See you there, Jesus. Can't wait to end 2009 in style.

(image via partlytruthpartlyfiction)

Happy Winter Solstice

Bet you wish you had one of these to keep you warm!

Bye Bye '09 -- Another Sheer Year

2009 was pretty sheer. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being stellar), I'd rate this year somewhere around a 6. Thank goodness I have awesome friends+family+dear people in my sheerniverse that helped me survive the trash. In my life, the only year that was more retarded was 2006. Fuck 2006.

Go ahead, think for a moment about this year: there was a plethora of celebrity deaths, creepy sicknesses, crappy jobs (or lack thereof), and just plain uninsured/unemployed stressful nonsense. MJ died, for God's sake. I have no doubt that 2010 will be much better (if only because Jacko can't die again in 2010). If it does in fact get any worse I might make like R. Branson and move to outer space.

But '09 wasn't that bad. In fact, scrolling through my photos, there are more than a few delightful memories. From a boat named the "Shearwater" to a mystery trip to Jamaica, front row seats at the Maury show to a rowdy family vacay with the love of my life, here are 12 highlights from my year in sheer trash:

January - Winter Hike with Lola



February - Wild Teens on Maury



March -- Britney Spears' Circus Tour (in Newark, NJ, No Less)



April - Hanging out in the Shire



May - Paris in the Spring



June - Field Trip to Chester, NJ



July - The S.S. Shearwater



August - Fire Island



September - Autumn Commences




October - Thrillist's JetMystery



November - Hayden Hatteras Trip



December - Lola and Her Mini Tree

My Top Ten Animal Videos of 2009

I've finished the most amazing assignment ever: a countdown of the best animal videos from this year. Jenny the Stroller Pug, Orgasm Turtle, Tickling Slow Loris -- they're all there for your viewing pleasure. So click over to Paw Nation for the full list and each video.

Seriously, if only life were always this fun!

I Wish This Was Real

After all, it's not that far-fetched. And I do wonder what X-mas is like at the Haus of Gaga....

(via Landline TV)

UPDATE: Apparently it IS REAL -- via my Buzzfeed post, I was directed to this Amazon link and Lady Gaga's "Christmas Tree." YOWZAH!

Pan and James

Alright, so this is a thing. A thing in Japan. And because the Japanese tend to get super weird with their animals, I can't say I wasn't expecting a show about a chimp and a bulldog BFF duo who "complete human tasks" to be anything less than nonsequitor amazingness. And the proof is in the puddin'.

After doing more research (a.k.a. looking at a Wikipedia entry) on Pan and James, I discovered that they're featured on a television show called "Tensai! Shimura Dōbutsuen" ("天才！志村動物園", lit. "Genius! Shimura Zoo"). The "Pan and James Running Errands" episode is often cited as their finest work. But that's BS, since "Pan with James' Babies" is clearly the cutest thing ever.

Zany language and cultural barriers aside, these two take my emotional cake for today.

Surprised Kitten #2

Thank goodness this is becoming a trend!

Looks like surprised kitties are all over the place, and according to some experts the tiny-cutie-jazz-hands-freak-outs are "a normal postural play response." After the kind of week I've been having, this is fantastic news. If you find any more clips of 'em, send my way, because I need warm fuzzy things in my face more than ever.

(via Gothamist)

The Shout Out Louds Are Coming (Back)

After a hiatus in 2009, one of my fave Scandinavian indie sensations will be returning with a new LP in February. The Shout Out Louds fill the void somewhere between The Cure, Stars, and borderline terrible emo-pop – and I love it.

Here’s the video for “Walls,” c/o Merge Records.

Blame it on the An-An-An-Ani-Animals

Hello, you sexy world!

There's an exciting development in the Sheer!niverse: I've begun blogging for PawNation.com. This means a new place for me to funnel my fervent love for fuzzy bunnies/animals that look like Lola, my Great Pyrenees/tiny kittens/helpless creatures/Shetland Ponies/dogs in general et al. So far I've written pieces about Operation Migration, Twitter for Animal Lovers and the Cutest Dog Competition outcome (que scandal!!!).

You can subscribe to my posts here -- but only if you are prepared for the most important content EVER, buddy.

Aw, it's a Monkey on Karl Rove's Head! (WTF)

Just got this press release delivered to my inbox:

"Crystal, star of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, makes friends with Karl Rove on Fox and Friends in celebration of the Blu-ray and DVD release on 12/1."

Whad'ya know? Looks like the brutal case of the Mondays I was dealing with this morning has officially been quelled.

(images via Click Communications)

I ♥ the New Yeasayer Video, "Ambling Alp"

Yeasayer may have been dubbed "Brooklyn's Least Attractive Band" by a certain dear friend of mine, but they've crafted a visually stunning video for their new track "Ambling Alp." The imagery smacks of Star Wars, The Abyss and Holy Mountain references, but somehow they pull it off (after all, the song could serve well in an upbeat sci-fi adventure-quest). The band's next LP, Odd Blood, will be released in February, and I'm damn excited.

(video via Pitchfork)

Major Lazer, "Keep It Going Louder"

Alright, this is just plain amazing. Major Lazer and Eric Wareheim have done it again and created a totally insane looking homage to booty shaking. The song will be stuck in my head for a week at least, but click below to watch the video and read my full analysis.

FREEwilliamsburg.com: New Major Lazer Video is Ass-id Trip-tastic.

Why Do I Remember These as Being Edible

But not only edible.... delicious as well!

Even though I haven't sampled one in easily 15 years, my taste buds still remember the minty shamrock milkshake from McDonald's. Why they ever concocted this thing is beyond my imagination, but the synthetic flavor was amazing -- second only to the obscure banana milkshake available in the UK. Oddly enough, I am severely craving a shamrock shake right now (with a side of salty fries). MMmmMmmmmmMMM.

Prognosis: I am officially a sicko.

James Franco, Did You Lose a Big Bet?

There can’t be many other reasons that he’d be starring on “General Hospital.” The “Pineapple Express” actor will play “an artist whose canvas is murder,” and dish out menacing lines like “anyone can die – at any time.” The cheese-tastic promo video is so surreal that it almost looks like a parody, but he will indeed begin his new role today.

Perhaps he’s fulfilling a promise he made to his grannie long ago, that someday, when he became a rich and famous actor, he would star on her favorite show

STATEN ISLAND ... The Movie

I think I smell a field trip... anyone want to join me this weekend at the Stadium 16 Theatre for a homegrown screening of this gem?

The movie looks like sheer trash, but hey, at least it's not another godforsaken remake.

Disturbing "Got Milk" Boy

This is great. Thanks Britt A. (:

Before + After

Our trip to the Outer Banks was slightly disrupted by a massive tropical storm/hurricane/nor'easter that blew through and flooded the area where we were staying. These pics give an idea of how much the ocean changed. The good news is that we were with a fabulous crew of party people and we managed to keep ourselves from going stir crazy in the storm.

For more pictures of the destruction, check out my photo of a destroyed Porsche on Asylum, Jalopnik and/or Autoblog. There's also fantastic pictures of the "Nights in Rodanthe" house, which isn't looking so hot anymore, on this local OBX blog.

Ummm... Britney?

Are you OK?

This Week Was Pretty Good....

Sure, I could be upset. Bloomberg won the election, it's freeeeeezing outside, I still haven't been invited to Google Wave (thanks "friends"), the Real Houswives of Atlanta reunion was maddeningly lackluster and hairless bears are on the rise in a disturbing and freakish trend.

HOWEVER:


A. I'm heading out to the Outer Banks tonight, for a week of relaxation, reading and eating.

B. I got to be a hand model, which meant that work paid for a manicure. Yea, and I pantomimed jerking off the letter "L."

C. THIS:

Bjork <3s Sandwiches

Halloween went well!

The Vice party got a spectacular amount of crummy press, but we enjoyed ourselves... especially Kevin on the mini ramp:

New Goal: Attend This Festival Next Year

Urlesque posted yesterday about the Chiang Mai Yi Peng Festival (a Buddhist tradition in Northern Thailand) and I gotta say, the Buddhists have WAY cooler festivals than the hipster trash in NYC. My new goal is to check this out in person someday.

Look at the video, it's breathtaking.

Sleepy Babies

It's that kind of day.

I Saw Leonard Cohen Friday Night!

"Chelsea Hotel No. 2," Live at MSG - 10/23/09 from Elizabeth Brady on Vimeo.

And I made this crappy iPhone video to prove it.

Predictably, the concert was spectacular. It was a welcomed alternative to the madness of CMJ that was going on downtown. Cohen made a point that "I don't know when it is our intention to pass this way again," which was foreboding, kind of sad and made me eternally grateful that I had the chance to see him perform.

Head over to FREEwilliamsburg.com to get my larger review of the evening.

#JetMystery 2009

Kevin and I had the pleasure of going on Thrillist's JetMystery trip over the weekend, and hot damn, was that fun! 170 new media/social networky/freelance editorial/inter-nerd types hopped on a rowdy Jet Blue flight, spent the weekend at the Iberostar Hotel and got to drink A LOT. There were also awesome activities like a private party at Sandals (NY Mag summed up that one pretty well). Best of all, I got to represent the Asylum.com brand and simultaneously do my best Goldie Hawn in "Bird on a Wire" impression while dune buggying through Jamaican farmland.

Thank you to Jet Blue, Thrillist, Starbucks, the Cold-Eeze guy, Mark from Iberostar, my bosses for sending me on this trip, my liver for withstanding it, the Crush on Obama Girl, Flavie (best Dir. of Communications for any company, ever), and a bunch of other new friends we made.

Can't wait for the reunion!

Another Good Band You Won't Find at CMJ

Telepathe - So Fine from Paul Tao on Vimeo.

This Just In, From Savannah's Blog:

I was having plenty of fun on #JetMystery, via NeverNotListo.

Berkshire Mountain Pup

Lola the Mountain Pup from Elizabeth Brady on Vimeo.

We took Lola to her natural habitat this weekend, for some apple-picking and hiking. Needless to say, she was one happy dog.

October in PEN15 Book Club:

Get on it! If you've ever read anything else by Diaz, you'll know he is a no-BS writer who can make things unbelievably raw and heartwrenching, but hilarious in the same breath. This novel won the Pulitzer Prize, and it takes place in my homestate of NJ. Done+done.

PEN15 will meet Nov. 4th to discuss.

Hopewell's "Island" Video

The new video from Hopewell is fantastic -- it's a blend of Super 8 footage shot here in Brooklyn and vintage film from an array of war archives. The visuals complement the psychedelic anxiety of the song, and I've now added them to my mini list of must-sees at CMJ this year.

A Celebration of Tim Curry

Tim Curry is a true enigma, but I think he has the potential to make a completely badass and/or absurd comeback. He should start starring in Quentin Tarantino films and walking around with hot topless beefcakes on leashes. He should have seasonal parties at outrageous nightclubs where he screens his worst movies, such as "Congo." He should get into physical fights with douchey people like Sharon Stone and start publicity stunt catfights with people like J. Lo. He is at the point of his careeer where he could do all this and more, and people would sit and smile and cheer him on, fondly saying things like, "Oh yea, Tim Curry! I forgot about that guy." and "Who knew Tim Curry was so awesome?"

T.C. is the best. Seriously, what is going on with this man? Is he straight or gay? When is his next movie coming out? And is he embarrassed about this?

Sam J. Miller’s 25-Word Movie Reviews

The Rumpus has a new film review feature that's easy to appreciate: 25-Word Movie Reviews. Taking off on the Twitter-esque 140 character standard, these reviews sum it all up. They might not be relevant in a timely sense, but anyone that can tie together "Changeling" and "Dances With Wolves" in one post is enough to impress me. Here are some examples of telling it like it is:

Changeling (Clint Eastwood, 2008)
This horrible horrible movie’s plot: Angelina Jolie weeping/pleading/cowering/being tortured. Unwatchable. Offensive. Solely for those who get off on watching women suffer.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Gavin Hood, 2009)
I can do this one in three: weird and stupid. Also? They cut the hot gay trailer sex scene where Liev Schreiber tops Dominic Monaghan.

Dances with Wolves (Kevin Costner, 1990)
Four hour movies should be illegal. Mary McDonnell is my messiah now. Lovely scenery; solid music, competent-if-unremarkable directing. Also? White people are evil.

"Breakfast at Sulimay's" Is Still Glorious With New Episodes

Last spring, Woodshop Films' "Breakfast at Sulimay's" series got some well-deserved attention for bringing the musical critiques of three senior citizens at a Philly breakfast shop to the mainstream. Few things could be better than irascible and detached old folks giving their two cents on hip hop and indie rock -- their musings on autotune/prostitutes/mashups/the downfall of pop culture can only be classified as awesome. Basically, they're just confused and disappointed, and it endlessly reminds me how sheer our generation is.

Much to my delight, I realized that new episodes of "Sulimay's" are still being made. Watch and learn how to be a septuagenarian with style:

Just as a bonus, here are two of my absolute favorite classic episodes:
Grizzly Bear and Iggy Pop --


(Note the Poisedon Adventure commentary)

Animal Collective and Young Jeezy:

Obese, Bacon Lovin' Skunk is Going on a Diet

This story, via The Scotsman, embodies everything in this world that is important to me: An overweight skunk from the UK is being rehabilitated. And if you find yourself wondering "Why should we care?," consider:

A. His name is Mr. Bumble.

B. He was addicted to bacon sandwiches.

C. Look at the photo!!!

I Wonder What Alan Thicke Thinks About This

And on another note:

(Guess it's a great week for those of us in the happy-to-mock-bible-thumpers demographic.)

Quasi-Tranny Dream Team

If ever there were two personalities who could make my universe implode in a ball of glammy sheer pop music destruction, it would DEFINITELY be Azis and Lady Gaga.

I've been in love with Gaga for quite some time, well before she started prancing around in Kermit Outfits. And perhaps the only thing that could have made her performance at the VMAs last night any better would have been if she had brought the ultimate Bulgarian celeb with her as arm candy.

According to his Wikipedia entry, Azis is a Bulgarian pop singer/politician. And while his tunes might sound like "Borat" background music, I think the guy has potential. He looks like Guy Fieri's ice princess doppelganger, and he clearly isn't afraid to pose in the same clothes as Lady Gaga. I beseech them to record a duet as soon as possible and make my quasi-tranny dream team a reality.

Tonight: "Wildwood, NJ" at Union Pool

From my latest post on FREEwilliamsburg:

Ruthless Films and Union Pool are screening "Wildwood, NJ" - a 1994 documentary and unintentional precursor to MTV's "True Life: I'm a Jersey Shore Girl" - at 9pm tonight. @UnionPool also announced that Maker's Mark will be providing cocktails.There's probably no better way to bid adieu to summer than by sipping whiskey and laughing at beach-folk's personal problems and social myopia, so post-Labor Day Tuesday is perfect timing to see the movie.

Mosey on over to my main post to see more details about the screening, and to watch an epic sampling of footage from the film.

This Sums Up How I Feel Most of the Time:

(Thanks to Britt + Buzzfeed)

Come For the Tacos, Stay For the Sheerness

Tomorrow I get to embody true sheerness as I dole out tacos on behalf of my team at Asylum.com and AOL.

The Taco Bell Truck will be on hand at my office (8th street between Broadway and Lafayette) to give out free lunch and basically just cause a scene. If you can make it happen, you should come and visit me!

My Utopia

It's the Simple Things In Life...

For instance, stumbling upon horrifying red carpet photos on Getty Images like this one. Lil' moments of zen in a world of chaos and disappointment.

Speaking of zen, who knew that JC Penny had an Asian Excellence Awards Show in 2008? And that all these dudes in the photo were actually there? Can I attend this year? I'd love to witness moments like this video of Rob Schneider winning the "Half Asian award."

TRASHY FRIDAY

Honestly, I can't with this video. Kevin Conetta sent it to me, and I just can't. Start your weekend chock full o' garbage. And yes, you're welcome.

Donald Draper, Keep Your Dick Whitman in Your Pants

I hung out in Times Square last night in 80 degree heat, and I loved it! That's because I went to the screening for Mad Men's Season 3 premiere.

Free crappy fedoras (tagged "The Draper") were given out as cute cigarette girls dispensed candies and other in-charcter '60s models lurked in the crowd. I could have used some scotch, especially during the costume contest, but no matter. The highlight of the evening had to be when Bryan Batt (who plays super-duper closet gay Salvatore Romano on the series) pranced on stage, blazing drunk and ultra flaming in real life, and proclaimed his love for his family - as well as his excitement for the new episode. He promised outrageousness, and it was delivered (bell hop boy-whores are to flight attendent floosies as ..... you fill in the blank).

So yea, we are happy that the best TV show ever is back on. Can't wait for next week! I'll be watching from the safety of my couch, AC blasting, and a glass of Cutty Sark in my hand.

Also thank you to my awesome boyfriend for the picture above.

Want It!

Looks like the world's smallest horse, Thumbelina, has some severe competition. This guy takes cuteness to the second degree, because tiny lil' Koda is not only a miniature horse, but he's a DWARF. An article in Britain's Daily Mail notes that the extra-petite factor has given the poor thing some health problems, like buckled legs and dental issues. But according to his vet 'He's very brave and takes his medicine like a little man.'

The paper adds that "Koda is so small that he is often mistaken for a battery-operated soft toy." AWWWW! I want.

October in Hong Kong?

I'm contemplating a journey to Asia this Fall, in order to begin fulfilling my goal of traveling to every continent by the time I'm 30. Apparently Autumn is the best time to visit Hong Kong, and it's supposed to be a relatively affordable place. Has anyone ever visited? Input would be much appreciated!

Twerk Dat Gun Fat

When I saw this headline, I couldn't resist clicking: "Obese Texas Inmate Hides Gun in His Flabs of Fat." Turns out this industrious fiend decided to put his body to work to get what he needed done, know what I'm sayin'? TWERK IT BOY!!!!

Another reason the rest of the world looks down on the USA, especially Texas.

Internet - FB and Twitter = I Kinda Can't Do My Job

As I'm sure many others have discovered this fine morning, Twitter AND Facebook are both being problematic. This translates to the apocalypse for nerds and social media peeps everywhere. Thank goodness for Urlesque, the site that taught me two things today while I loafed around impotently waiting for my job to be possible.

1. When Twitter is Down, CRY ABOUT IT!


2. There's a photo of Tila Tequila and an ape giving the finger. (I KNOW!!!)


And now, I'm calm again.

Jay Reatard - "It Ain't Gonna Save Me"

Jay Reatard's new record comes out next week, and I think it's his best effort yet. Speaking of good things Mr. Reatard has been up to, there's this video (via Stereogum) for his new single, which is undeniably awesome.

Vive Le Timothy!!!

Well, the trip to Montauk was canceled due to the rain, but at least we got our sail on Saturday afternoon. Britt was an amazing steerer, and I did a good job drinking the sangria.

Add sailing to the list of things I NEVER would have done if I hadn't met K Hay. Also he is the one that took the photo.

Take Me Back to Epernay...

All I want today is to be in a cave surrounded by champagne.

The Phenomenal Handclap Band at Joe's Pub

Claire and I had the lovely opportunity to check out the NPR showcase on Tuesday night on behalf of FREEwilliamsburg.

While we couldn't quite detach ourselves from the sexy tambourine-wielding girls in The Phenomenal Handclap Band (wonder if they ever fight about who has the chicest outfits?) the evening was an intimate and enjoyable affair.

You can see all the photos and read the whole review if you click here!

Done+Done

After realizing that I'm not eligible to win Urlesque's Three Keyboard Cat Moon T-Shirt giveaway, I decided to make like @moneyries and order one for myself from Threadless. And pay, like the normal people do.



Except... normal people don't order/wear specialty items like this one. Anyone sporting the shirt pictured to the left should garner immediate respect and a small amount of fear. I can't wait to harness the power!

SHEER!

Where the Succulents At???

So here I am, commencing my mini-garden a full two months after gardening season officially began. Yesterday I spent a charming evening at the Home Depot in Queens, a.k.a. bizarro So-Cal, and was welcomed home by my neighbor who warned me that "all plants purchased from Home Depot suck and will die." Jeez, ok! Thanks. I'm now focused on finding lots of succulents to add some heartiness to my plant family, should tragedy strike. Does anyone have suggestions on good gardening stores in the Williamsburg area?

The Lady Behind @Playboy

All day long I tweet on behalf of @Asylumdotcom, and 90% of my followers think that I'm a bro. I often wonder about my Twitter friends, and if they're in the same boat.

Well, today I had the honor of learning more about the sweet darling behind @Playboy. Turns out, she's also a young lady workin' in a man's world (but having fun with it too, obvi!) You can read the full story here, at Asylum.com.

The Most Amazing Web Site on the Internet c/o Lemondrop

OK, OK, OK!

If you are in a bad mood, or declaring bankruptcy, getting a divorce, suffering from food poisoning, or if you just failed out of the 10th grade - please check out this website. It truly lives up to its name!

Another reason to love Lemondrop.com. Where else would I discover such crucial items?