the good, the bad, the sheer

Thursday, February 28, 2008

CELEBelixer, Feb 27th

drink: vodka gimlet
jukebox dedication: "living in sin," by bon jovi

Each week, we play the role of barmaid in our imaginary dive bar (likely one with Ugly Kid Joe on the jukebox) and give an imaginary cocktail to a celebrity who really really earned a stiff drink this week.

Today, I dedicate this post to David Spade, who made a suggestive comment about my sexy sexy tights at Ketchup. My friend and I happened to be dining right next to him, and when the midget-king walked up and sat down next to us, we could barely contain our laughter. Normally, I would feel sympathetic for a 30-something (possibly 40-something, we should wikipedia him).....
SIDENOTE: I just wikipedia'ed David Spade, and let me tell you, it is worth perusing. My two fave anecdotes are perhaps "he has a tattoo of Calvin, of Calvin & Hobbes," and "Spade is very sensitive to light." wtf????? wtf. TALK ABOUT THE DEFINITION OF SHEER!
AAAANYWAY. this week, we dedicate a vodka gimlet to you, David Spade. The word "gimlet" just sounds tiny and awkward, and maybe even slightly bitter, which is what you seem to be. You are weird and fugly and have lost your schtick, as it was once hilar to me as a 10 year old watching Tommy Boy, it is no longer funny as a 24 year old eating dinner. I don't even feel bad for you, you totes get to bang Heather Locklear and multiple Playboy playmates.... didn't you recently impregnate one? 

CHUG YOUR GIMLET, BABYMAN. Write some new jokes, bang some new chicks, this SHEER cocktail is on us!!

1 comment:

postskunk said...

I really hope the Calvin and Hobbes tattoos are ones involving them pissing on something like a cross or the word pussy's or something along those lines. I bet he's real into the whole Big Johnson seen as well, those two go hand in hand.